Read + Write + Report
Home | Start a blog | About Orble | FAQ | Sites | Writers | Advertise | My Orble | Login

Hipnotherapy - The Couch Can Be Your Friend....

 
Interesting "Goings On" in the Wide World of Therapy



I came across a very interesting article regarding ways to reach out to children and namely aolescents who were raised without father. The Father Book is a document designed to help fatherless youngsters begin a constructive resolution of what the absence of a father has meant in their lives. The Fatherbook is the resolution scrapbook used in treating children who have been traumatized.

The Fatherbook may incorporate elements from both the life book and the resolution scrapbook, depending on the circumstances of the father’s absence and the needs or wishes of each youngster. The format—e.g., album or loose-leaf binder—is chosen by the youngster. If little is known about the father, the Fatherbook can attempt to reconstruct his history. Whatever documents exist—birth certificates, photographs, marriage licenses, letters, obituary notices, diplomas, newspaper clippings—may be included. The adolescent may write to his absent father in the Fatherbook, even if the letters are never posted. These are some of the materials that may go into a Fatherbook. Each Fatherbook is a unique, made up of what the youngster believes is most important to him about his father.


“We know now, states (Popenoe) “from a careful examination of the evidence that today’s fatherlessness has led to a social turmoil—damaged children, unhappy children, aimless children, children who strike back with pathological behavior and violence”. For father-absent youth, some of what Popenoe (1996) describes as the “human carnage of fatherlessness” includes a far greater likelihood of dropping out of school, becoming teen parents, engaging in delinquent and violent behaviors, being out of both school and work, developing emotional problems, struggling with social relationships, and suffering depression as adults.

Fatherless adolescent boys are particularly vulnerable as they start the developmental work of identity formation, “a critical normative task of adolescence” (Josselson). Identity formation “arises from the selective repudiation and mutual assimilation of childhood identifications…” However, as father-absent boys begin this critical process, they lack the person who should be their most natural model for identification—their biological fathers. Biller (1993) reports that “paternal deprivation is often associated with personal insecurity and a poor self concept”

A defining characteristic of early adolescence is the young person’s beginning to look to peer influences in forming an identity. For the fathered boy, the intensity of peer influence is tempered by the father’s continued presence in his life. For the young male who is fatherless, the balancing presence is absent. “The paternally deprived child, whether from a ghetto or an affluent suburb, is especially vulnerable to peer pressure.” With the high and increasing number of single-mother homes, this means that the fatherless are leading the fatherless, with a result being behaviors that are frequently troubling and destructive.

It is reported that the strongest predictor of deviance, especially among young males, is living in a single-mother family. Draper and Harpending (1982) find boys without fathers more likely to exhibit the following characteristics:

-rejection of authority, particularly with it is imposed by adult females, exaggerated masculinity (often regarded by psychologists as “overcompensation” for insecure masculine sex-role identification)
-Rejection and denigration of femininity
-Greater interpersonal aggressiveness
-Increased risk of arrest and incarceration
-A relatively exploitative attitude toward females, with sexual contact appearing important as conquest and as a means of validating masculinity
.
The tendency toward undesirable behaviors is seen early in the lives of father-absent boys. Sametz (1984) reviewed court records for nearly 300 offenders aged 7, 8, and 9 living in a large Northeast city and its wealthy suburbs.. The results show that “the majority of offenders are male…and living with a single-parent mother'. In a study of 7 and 8 year-old Hispanic male youngsters, Boone (1979) reports that fatherless subjects were more prone to aggression than their fathered peers.

The aggression and tendency toward violence in father-absent boys may be an expression of what Whiting (1965) terms “protest masculinity”. Whiting defines “protest masculinity” in the father-deprived boy as “an over determined attempt to prove his masculinity, manifested by a preoccupation with physical strength and athletic proves, or attempts to demonstrate daring or valor, or behavior that is violent or aggressive”. Similarly, Biller points out that “males who are fathered-deprived in early life are likely to engage later in rigidly over=compensatory masculine behavior”. The bravado of this protest behavior can quickly lead boys into activities that are dangerous, and sometimes fatal, for themselves and for others (Anderson).

Despite its crippling effects, fatherlessness is increasing in America. Presently, “close to 40% of all children do not live with their biological parents, and percentage that is steadily climbing” (Popenoe, 1996). “Before they reach the age of 18,” Blankenhorn (1995) states, “more than half of our nation’s children are likely to spend at least a significant portion of their childhoods living apart from their fathers”. The epidemic of fatherlessness is most prevalent in our cities. A recent survey of nearly 200 urban neighborhoods found that 90% of all the families living there were without fathers (Popenoe, 1996).

The missing father is ipso facto often not a benign figure, i.e. because he is not there, he is bad. His negative image may be reinforced by the circumstances of his absence, e.g., his being incarcerated, his abuse of the youngster’s mother, his not supporting the family. The negative image of the father may be intensified by the mother’s anger at him. In these cases, the identification in the young adolescent male with his absent father still takes place because in his stage of development he had a strong need for identification with a male model. But the identification here is with the father’s negative aspects. On a conscious level the boy may idealize the father, granting him positive attributes he may or may not posses’ unconsciously he may take on some of the father’s “bad” characteristics.

Some adolescents idealize their fathers precisely because of their negative qualities, and consciously strive to be as destructive as possible. Identification is a powerful defense. It protects the youngster from experiencing the anger that would facilitate de-idealization of the father, and maintains a bond with him. It drives some of the deviant behaviors in which father-absent boys engage.

The importance of fathers to the lives of their children has been a charged issue. Greif and Bailey (1990) point out that the concern about sexism had put an emphasis on women’s perspectives and highlighted their strengths. The study of fathers has thus been less favored.

Asserting the importance of fathers in children’s lives in no way diminishes the valiant and often successful efforts of single mothers to raise their children. The assertion is rather a recognition that the responsibility of raising a child is of such enormous consequence that no parent should have to attempt it alone.

73
Vote
   


Thresholds of personal power are known as crossing over places. In such a place you may feel you are at the center of all things. There is a danger to be found in threshold places-or perhaps the danger is in us-when we come to close to the hub of things within us (self awareness) , to the intersection where we may cross over and become empowered. When we pass through, we may totally pass through, we may totally change. We may even create a whole new world. when our minds are not straight we may bring confusion to ourselves.



There are places in this world that are neither here nor there, neither up nor down, neither real nor imaginary. These are the in between places difficult to find and even more challenging to sustain. Yet they are the most fruitful places of all. For in these narrows, a kind of life takes place that is out of the ordinary, creative, and once in a while genuinely magical. We tend to divide life between mind and matter and to assume that we must be in one or the other or both. Emotion must be in one or the other or both. Emotion is a good vehicle to travel to the places in between. We need a chink in the otherwise unbroken surface of what we consider real. A mode of entrance is crucial.

It can also be hell breaking through to the point where you recognize that Everything Is Right There All the Time. But once you establish that access, it’s hard to go back. This is neither a good thing nor a bad one: it just is. You will feel stuff, easily and quickly, all the time. In a way, it’s like a return to a childlike way of being, only with all the acquired consciousness and skills and history of adulthood. You know the truth of a situation right away, or really quickly, if you care to look. And sometimes, even if you don’t.
45
Vote
   


Say Yes to Saying No

April 27th 2008 10:27
Do you think you are a bad person for saying no? Saying yes when you need to say no causes burnout. You do yourself and the person making the request a disservice by saying yes all of the time. When you say no, you'll be able to spend quality time on the things you've already said yes to. Yes isn't always the best answer. If you're overcommitted and under a lot of stress, you've got a much better chance of becoming sick, tired or just plain old crabby, which doesn't benefit you or anyone else.


1. Begin with the word “No.”
When you begin with “No”, you give a clear message. It is honest and not confusing. If someone becomes angry at your refusal, that is their problem, not yours. You are entitled to your feelings and you can say “No” whenever you want.

2. Don’t give excuses! You do not have to have a reason to say “No.” Practice full disclosure. Don't fabricate reasons to get out of an obligation. The truth is always the best way to turn down a friend, family member or co-worker.

3. Use I-Messages. This helps your message to be firm and direct.

4. Offer alternatives when you want to.

5. Ask for time to think when you need it. Extra time may help you to clarify your true feelings about the situation. Anyone who truly cares about you will respect this request.

6. Be sure your body language matches your words. Otherwise, you may give mixed signals to the speaker, causing ineffective communication.

•It is your right to refuse and not feel guilty.
•Refusal is not rejection.
•You can love someone and still not do everything they ask of you.
•Saying “No” can preserve relationships by keeping you from feeling
resentful. If we agree to something we really do not want to do.



36
Vote
   


What Kind of Communicator are You?

April 16th 2008 02:53
76
Vote
   


Abusive Anger

April 8th 2008 03:55
Anger becomes abusive when. . . .


[ Click here to read more ]
81
Vote
   


Guidelines for Fair Fighting

March 27th 2008 01:24
1) Fight by mutual consent: Don’t insist of a fight at a time when one of you can’t handle this type of strain. A good fight demands two ready participants.

2) Stick to the present: Don’t dredge up past mistakes and faults about which you can do nothing


[ Click here to read more ]
59
Vote
   


Checklist for Hidden Anger

March 24th 2008 00:52
If we have a national fault, it is hiding our anger from ourselves. Here is a checklist to help you determine if you are hiding your anger from yourself. Any of these is usually a sign of hidden, unexpressed anger.


[ Click here to read more ]
86
Vote
   


Goals of Misbehavior in Children

March 17th 2008 03:43
MISBEHAVIOR: Actions & words that disregard or disrespect the rights or safety of others, or that are self-defeating or even dangerous to oneself. Here are some quick possible ideas to consider when dealing with a misbehaving child


[ Click here to read more ]
66
Vote
   


15 Ways to Safeguard Your Kids

March 14th 2008 02:16
Do Not Teach Violence:
Avoid responding to children with hostile words and actions. When kids ‘press your buttons’ try to respond to them as you would to a good friend. Speak to them with respect. If you feel close to losing control, declare your own ‘time out’. Then leave the room and cool down. Share your frustrations and coping tactics with other parents.

[ Click here to read more ]
50
Vote
   


There are four ways to improve your communication with others by using dialogue, mirroring, validating, and empathy


Dialogue – a communication process that creates contact with another person, deepens it to connection and a level of empathic attunement. Dialogue is a way to speak to each other from a place of equality and acceptance. And the procedure is to mirror what you’re hearing, validate the logic of what you’re hearing, and reflect the feelings in what you’re hearing—and do that without judgment. There are three steps to dialogue: Mirroring, Validating, and Empathy


[ Click here to read more ]
63
Vote
   


More Posts
2 Posts
3 Posts
6 Posts
122 Posts dating from May 2007
Email Subscription
Receive e-mail notifications of new posts on this blog:
Moderated by Miswanderlust
Copyright © 2006 2007 2008 On Topic Media PTY LTD. All Rights Reserved. Design by Vimu.com.
On Topic Media ZPages: Sydney |  Melbourne |  Brisbane |  London |  Birmingham |  Leeds     [ Advertise ] [ Contact Us ] [ Privacy Policy ]