Growing Up without a Father: The Fatherbook
May 12th 2008 13:41
I came across a very interesting article regarding ways to reach out to children and namely aolescents who were raised without father. The Father Book is a document designed to help fatherless youngsters begin a constructive resolution of what the absence of a father has meant in their lives. The Fatherbook is the resolution scrapbook used in treating children who have been traumatized.
The Fatherbook may incorporate elements from both the life book and the resolution scrapbook, depending on the circumstances of the father’s absence and the needs or wishes of each youngster. The format—e.g., album or loose-leaf binder—is chosen by the youngster. If little is known about the father, the Fatherbook can attempt to reconstruct his history. Whatever documents exist—birth certificates, photographs, marriage licenses, letters, obituary notices, diplomas, newspaper clippings—may be included. The adolescent may write to his absent father in the Fatherbook, even if the letters are never posted. These are some of the materials that may go into a Fatherbook. Each Fatherbook is a unique, made up of what the youngster believes is most important to him about his father.
“We know now, states (Popenoe) “from a careful examination of the evidence that today’s fatherlessness has led to a social turmoil—damaged children, unhappy children, aimless children, children who strike back with pathological behavior and violence”. For father-absent youth, some of what Popenoe (1996) describes as the “human carnage of fatherlessness” includes a far greater likelihood of dropping out of school, becoming teen parents, engaging in delinquent and violent behaviors, being out of both school and work, developing emotional problems, struggling with social relationships, and suffering depression as adults.
Fatherless adolescent boys are particularly vulnerable as they start the developmental work of identity formation, “a critical normative task of adolescence” (Josselson). Identity formation “arises from the selective repudiation and mutual assimilation of childhood identifications…” However, as father-absent boys begin this critical process, they lack the person who should be their most natural model for identification—their biological fathers. Biller (1993) reports that “paternal deprivation is often associated with personal insecurity and a poor self concept”
A defining characteristic of early adolescence is the young person’s beginning to look to peer influences in forming an identity. For the fathered boy, the intensity of peer influence is tempered by the father’s continued presence in his life. For the young male who is fatherless, the balancing presence is absent. “The paternally deprived child, whether from a ghetto or an affluent suburb, is especially vulnerable to peer pressure.” With the high and increasing number of single-mother homes, this means that the fatherless are leading the fatherless, with a result being behaviors that are frequently troubling and destructive.
It is reported that the strongest predictor of deviance, especially among young males, is living in a single-mother family. Draper and Harpending (1982) find boys without fathers more likely to exhibit the following characteristics:
-rejection of authority, particularly with it is imposed by adult females, exaggerated masculinity (often regarded by psychologists as “overcompensation” for insecure masculine sex-role identification)
-Rejection and denigration of femininity
-Greater interpersonal aggressiveness
-Increased risk of arrest and incarceration
-A relatively exploitative attitude toward females, with sexual contact appearing important as conquest and as a means of validating masculinity
.
The tendency toward undesirable behaviors is seen early in the lives of father-absent boys. Sametz (1984) reviewed court records for nearly 300 offenders aged 7, 8, and 9 living in a large Northeast city and its wealthy suburbs.. The results show that “the majority of offenders are male…and living with a single-parent mother'. In a study of 7 and 8 year-old Hispanic male youngsters, Boone (1979) reports that fatherless subjects were more prone to aggression than their fathered peers.
The aggression and tendency toward violence in father-absent boys may be an expression of what Whiting (1965) terms “protest masculinity”. Whiting defines “protest masculinity” in the father-deprived boy as “an over determined attempt to prove his masculinity, manifested by a preoccupation with physical strength and athletic proves, or attempts to demonstrate daring or valor, or behavior that is violent or aggressive”. Similarly, Biller points out that “males who are fathered-deprived in early life are likely to engage later in rigidly over=compensatory masculine behavior”. The bravado of this protest behavior can quickly lead boys into activities that are dangerous, and sometimes fatal, for themselves and for others (Anderson).
Despite its crippling effects, fatherlessness is increasing in America. Presently, “close to 40% of all children do not live with their biological parents, and percentage that is steadily climbing” (Popenoe, 1996). “Before they reach the age of 18,” Blankenhorn (1995) states, “more than half of our nation’s children are likely to spend at least a significant portion of their childhoods living apart from their fathers”. The epidemic of fatherlessness is most prevalent in our cities. A recent survey of nearly 200 urban neighborhoods found that 90% of all the families living there were without fathers (Popenoe, 1996).
The missing father is ipso facto often not a benign figure, i.e. because he is not there, he is bad. His negative image may be reinforced by the circumstances of his absence, e.g., his being incarcerated, his abuse of the youngster’s mother, his not supporting the family. The negative image of the father may be intensified by the mother’s anger at him. In these cases, the identification in the young adolescent male with his absent father still takes place because in his stage of development he had a strong need for identification with a male model. But the identification here is with the father’s negative aspects. On a conscious level the boy may idealize the father, granting him positive attributes he may or may not posses’ unconsciously he may take on some of the father’s “bad” characteristics.
Some adolescents idealize their fathers precisely because of their negative qualities, and consciously strive to be as destructive as possible. Identification is a powerful defense. It protects the youngster from experiencing the anger that would facilitate de-idealization of the father, and maintains a bond with him. It drives some of the deviant behaviors in which father-absent boys engage.
The importance of fathers to the lives of their children has been a charged issue. Greif and Bailey (1990) point out that the concern about sexism had put an emphasis on women’s perspectives and highlighted their strengths. The study of fathers has thus been less favored.
Asserting the importance of fathers in children’s lives in no way diminishes the valiant and often successful efforts of single mothers to raise their children. The assertion is rather a recognition that the responsibility of raising a child is of such enormous consequence that no parent should have to attempt it alone.
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