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Hipnotherapy - March 2008

Guidelines for Fair Fighting

March 27th 2008 01:24
1) Fight by mutual consent: Don’t insist of a fight at a time when one of you can’t handle this type of strain. A good fight demands two ready participants.

2) Stick to the present: Don’t dredge up past mistakes and faults about which you can do nothing.

3) Stick to the subject: Limit this fight to the subject. Don’t throw every other problem into it; take them at a different time.

4) Don’t hit below the belt: In your lives together, you discover each other’s sensitive areas. Don’t throw them at each other.

5) Don’t quit; work it out: Bring the fight to a mutual conclusion. Otherwise, it will just recur again and again.


6) Don’t try to win, EVER: If one wins, the other loses and begins to build resentment about this relationship. That destroys rather than builds the relationship.

7) Respect crying: It is a valid response to how we feel, but don’t let crying sidetrack you. It is a response for men as well as women.

8) No violence: Physical violence violates all of the above rules for fighting by mutual consent.

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Checklist for Hidden Anger

March 24th 2008 00:52
If we have a national fault, it is hiding our anger from ourselves. Here is a checklist to help you determine if you are hiding your anger from yourself. Any of these is usually a sign of hidden, unexpressed anger.



Procrastination
Perpetual or habitual lateness
A liking for sadistic or ironic humor

Sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy in conversation
Over-politeness, constant cheerfulness
Frequent sighing
Smiling while hurting frequent disturbing or frightening dreams
Over-controlled monotone speaking voice sleep disturbance
Boredom, apathy, lost interest in things you are usually enthusiastic about
Getting tired more easily than usual
Excessive irritability over trifles
Getting drowsy at inappropriate times
Waking up tired rather than rested
Clenched jaws – especially while sleeping
Grinding of teeth – especially while sleeping
Facial tics, spasmodic body movements and similar repeated physical acts
done unintentionally
Chronically stiff or sore neck and shoulders
Chronic depression
Stomach ulcers
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Goals of Misbehavior in Children

March 17th 2008 03:43
MISBEHAVIOR: Actions & words that disregard or disrespect the rights or safety of others, or that are self-defeating or even dangerous to oneself. Here are some quick possible ideas to consider when dealing with a misbehaving child




1.Attention: Desire to be noticed
Child: “I’m only important when you are busy with me”.
Parent: Feels frustrated, annoyed
Response: Never give attention on demand not even for useful behavior. Ignore unwanted behavior when it is not expected. Catch child being “good” & give attention to positive behavior.

2.Power: Wants things their way.
Child: Feels powerless, so having power makes them feel valuable.
Parent: Feels angry, provoked, challenged, and ready to fight
Response: Disengage from the struggle; let child experience consequences of misbehavior. Encourage decision making (making choices that are acceptable) & express confidence in them; enlist their help, opinions, & suggestions to win their cooperation.

3.Revenge: If seeking revenge, they are convinced they are not lovable
Child: Feels hurt—is expressing it to you
Parent: Feels deeply hurt, angry or feels desire to get even. Punishment provides fresh reason to seek further revenge.
Response: Child wants you to know he/she hurt your feelings. Consciously avoid feeling hurt. Instead of seeking revenge, parents can work on building a relationship with trust. Respond with patience &* kindness. Do something to bring you closer.

4.Display of Inadequacy: The most discouraged of all
Child: Feels helpless, hopeless, afraid to try, “I can’t”.
Parent: Feels frustration, despair and may want to give up, but giving up increases hopelessness.
Response: Stop criticizing & respond with encouragement of any positive effort made. Child needs to know they can succeed & belong & that they don’t have to be perfect. Break task down into easy pieces and let child see through own actions that he/she can.

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15 Ways to Safeguard Your Kids

March 14th 2008 02:16
Do Not Teach Violence:
Avoid responding to children with hostile words and actions. When kids ‘press your buttons’ try to respond to them as you would to a good friend. Speak to them with respect. If you feel close to losing control, declare your own ‘time out’. Then leave the room and cool down. Share your frustrations and coping tactics with other parents.

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There are four ways to improve your communication with others by using dialogue, mirroring, validating, and empathy


Dialogue – a communication process that creates contact with another person, deepens it to connection and a level of empathic attunement. Dialogue is a way to speak to each other from a place of equality and acceptance. And the procedure is to mirror what you’re hearing, validate the logic of what you’re hearing, and reflect the feelings in what you’re hearing—and do that without judgment. There are three steps to dialogue: Mirroring, Validating, and Empathy


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Common Boundary Myths

March 2nd 2008 04:49
There are psychological boundaries around each individual in a relationship. These individual boundaries have to do with self-determination and self-respect. They define each person's right to keep some part of themselves separate from the relationship (to not let it define them utterly), and also to expect that others treat them with respect. When these individual boundaries are intact and in place, we feel respected and cared for and not taken for granted. When they are broken by disrespectful actions. we end up feeling mad, sad, or annoyed.


Boundary violations of any sort tend to cause relationship problems. When one person's actions cause another to feel belittled, unimportant or uncomfortable, then that other partner is faced with the task of learning how to articulate needs in a more appropriate manner


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