Building Bridges to Sexual Desire
August 24th 2007 01:44
There are many sources of sexual desire, including (but not limited to) sharing pleasure, feeling “horny,” reinforcing intimacy, using sex as a way to relax before sleep, taking advantage of time away from children, sharing loving feelings, making a special date for a birthday or anniversary, indulging in the novelty of staying at a hotel, making up after a disagreement, and feeling erotic after sensuous caressing. Be open to a variety of individual and couple bridges to sexual desire.
A persistent myth is that the partner should be the source of all sexual desire. According to this myth, if you have fantasies of another person or movie star, you are being disloyal. In truth, fantasies and other external stimuli (movies, TV, novels, people on the street, sexy pictures, erotic videos, songs) are a major source of sexual desire. Sexual fantasies are a natural, healthy bridge to desire. Sexual fantasies spice up and enhance sexual desire, and increase response during partner sex.
For this exercise, each partner lists at least 3 and up to 10 bridges for sexual desire. Share 2 or more with the partner, but keep at least 1 to yourself. Sexual desire is subverted by sharing all and describing everything in detail. Share erotic turn-ons and scenarios, but remember to keep seductiveness, uncertainty, and playfulness alive in your relationship. Instead of “bread and butter” ways of having sex, think of erotic scenarios and techniques you would like to experiment with.
One of the most interesting things about being a sex therapist is discovering the range of experiences that individuals and couples find erotic. There are the traditional romantic scenarios of dressing up and having a gourmet dinner that includes wine and candles, with sex being tender, loving, and prolonged on silk sheets. There are the traditional erotic scenarios of going to a motel, dressing in sexy lingerie, and having intercourse under a ceiling mirror. For some people, the key is location: being sexual in front of a blazing fire, in the shower, on an antique bed at an historic inn, or on a deserted beach. For others, the key is external stimuli: erotic dancing, feeding the partner gourmet snacks in bed, or reading erotic fantasies aloud. Some couples emphasize sexual techniques, vibrator stimulation during intercourse, engaging in one-way sex to arouse the partner to total abandon, use of multiple stimulation during intercourse, switching intercourse positions three times, or using light bondage as an erotic stimulus.
Anticipation of a sexual encounter is a powerful bridge to desire. Rather than waiting for desire to occur “naturally” or expecting all desire to come from the partner, use fantasies or a planned erotic scenario to facilitate desire. For example, if you have a sexual daydream or see an attractive person in a store, allow that image to “simmer” through the day so that at night it serves as a bridge for sexual initiation.
A persistent myth is that the partner should be the source of all sexual desire. According to this myth, if you have fantasies of another person or movie star, you are being disloyal. In truth, fantasies and other external stimuli (movies, TV, novels, people on the street, sexy pictures, erotic videos, songs) are a major source of sexual desire. Sexual fantasies are a natural, healthy bridge to desire. Sexual fantasies spice up and enhance sexual desire, and increase response during partner sex.
For this exercise, each partner lists at least 3 and up to 10 bridges for sexual desire. Share 2 or more with the partner, but keep at least 1 to yourself. Sexual desire is subverted by sharing all and describing everything in detail. Share erotic turn-ons and scenarios, but remember to keep seductiveness, uncertainty, and playfulness alive in your relationship. Instead of “bread and butter” ways of having sex, think of erotic scenarios and techniques you would like to experiment with.
One of the most interesting things about being a sex therapist is discovering the range of experiences that individuals and couples find erotic. There are the traditional romantic scenarios of dressing up and having a gourmet dinner that includes wine and candles, with sex being tender, loving, and prolonged on silk sheets. There are the traditional erotic scenarios of going to a motel, dressing in sexy lingerie, and having intercourse under a ceiling mirror. For some people, the key is location: being sexual in front of a blazing fire, in the shower, on an antique bed at an historic inn, or on a deserted beach. For others, the key is external stimuli: erotic dancing, feeding the partner gourmet snacks in bed, or reading erotic fantasies aloud. Some couples emphasize sexual techniques, vibrator stimulation during intercourse, engaging in one-way sex to arouse the partner to total abandon, use of multiple stimulation during intercourse, switching intercourse positions three times, or using light bondage as an erotic stimulus.
Anticipation of a sexual encounter is a powerful bridge to desire. Rather than waiting for desire to occur “naturally” or expecting all desire to come from the partner, use fantasies or a planned erotic scenario to facilitate desire. For example, if you have a sexual daydream or see an attractive person in a store, allow that image to “simmer” through the day so that at night it serves as a bridge for sexual initiation.
| 104 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
Comment by David
Not another bloody post about how you need a partner. If I get any more frustrated, I'll be going to sex therapy soon just to find one.
David ...
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
Imbecile that I am...I did have a bit of a giggle reading this. I'm sure you'll know why...!
Then maturity crept back in and my (2nd) immediate thought was...you are the Nancy Friday/Erica Jong of the generation.
Have you ever thought about publishing a book? Or have you done so?
I love the pic.
Also...have been meaning to ask this for a while now... is that your waiting room?
Hope you're well hon.
Dusk
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
I know for me I could certainly handle having the pressure taken off. Id love to lie in bed and just get high off Kmans smell(really does it for me - he finds it supremely uncomfortable when I stick my nose in his armpit!) and feel I could lay there touching for hours. Then the sex would REALLY be something! However, real life pressure and Kman having a hot short fuse means we usually rush into it. It doesnt encourage me for the next time.
Its still an absolute mystery to me that if its not happening Kman gets rough with me....And I love it. Its instant turn on. I dont see how I can like it considering my piebald history!
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
More to come. (maniacal laughter)
Mis
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
did have a bit of a giggle reading this. I'm sure you'll know why...!
I do and I did too!
Have you ever thought about publishing a book? Or have you done so?
I have published several books but not about sex and relationships. I was thinking about it.....
I love the pic.
Glad you like it
Also...have been meaning to ask this for a while now... is that your waiting room?
That is one part of my office. I will be changing the pic soon and show more of the office.
Mis
Thanks for brightening my day
The pic is of a bridge in Wales not sure where...my sister snapped it during her last visit.
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
Lucky me.
katyzzz
Comment by David
I'm glad a couple of people mentioned the pic.
Here was me thinking that was a pic of where you live. (It's okay, I'm a bit out of touch with environments other than my own. A room with two seats looks upmarket to me).
I like the tissue-box cover. It's a classic.
David ...
Comment by Ash
Flashes of memories
I loved this post. Fantasies are certainly a way to spice things up. LOL I`m trying to pick my words rather delicately on this post
I have been trying to look at the pics on your bookshelf... everytime I download this page I feel like I`m stepping into your office, it`s great! DSM-IV? LOL Oh how I remember that book!!!!!!!
Notice how most people have referred to your photo? It`s like when a sex scene comes on the TV and all of a sudden a previously silent room becomes animated with conversation? hehehehe!
Ash
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Girl you crack me up!
Mis
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
HAHAHA I am glad that you are able to "step" into my office. I am glad that you like the tissue box cover!
Mis