Four Ways to be a Better Communicator
March 8th 2008 03:49
There are four ways to improve your communication with others by using dialogue, mirroring, validating, and empathy
Dialogue – a communication process that creates contact with another person, deepens it to connection and a level of empathic attunement. Dialogue is a way to speak to each other from a place of equality and acceptance. And the procedure is to mirror what you’re hearing, validate the logic of what you’re hearing, and reflect the feelings in what you’re hearing—and do that without judgment. There are three steps to dialogue: Mirroring, Validating, and Empathy.
Mirroring is paraphrasing what is said to you, then requesting confirmation that you have received the whole message. The magic words are: “If I understand you correctly, what you’re saying is …did I get it? Is there more about that?” This response replaces the reactive response and is the beginning of growth towards contact and connection.
Validating is seeing something from the other’s point of view, and telling him or her that you can see the logic in his or her statements: “You make sense because…” You don’t have to agree with the statement – you just have to see the logic in it.
Empathy is being able to imagine what the other person is feeling: “I can imagine that you must be feeling sad and hurt about that…” Even if you have to grit your teeth at first, you’ll produce a positive result with most people. But when you can so it authentically from your core, it takes the danger out of your relationship: neither of you has to be defended against the other anymore.
Dialogue – a communication process that creates contact with another person, deepens it to connection and a level of empathic attunement. Dialogue is a way to speak to each other from a place of equality and acceptance. And the procedure is to mirror what you’re hearing, validate the logic of what you’re hearing, and reflect the feelings in what you’re hearing—and do that without judgment. There are three steps to dialogue: Mirroring, Validating, and Empathy.
Mirroring is paraphrasing what is said to you, then requesting confirmation that you have received the whole message. The magic words are: “If I understand you correctly, what you’re saying is …did I get it? Is there more about that?” This response replaces the reactive response and is the beginning of growth towards contact and connection.
Validating is seeing something from the other’s point of view, and telling him or her that you can see the logic in his or her statements: “You make sense because…” You don’t have to agree with the statement – you just have to see the logic in it.
Empathy is being able to imagine what the other person is feeling: “I can imagine that you must be feeling sad and hurt about that…” Even if you have to grit your teeth at first, you’ll produce a positive result with most people. But when you can so it authentically from your core, it takes the danger out of your relationship: neither of you has to be defended against the other anymore.
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Comment by Ann 1
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Can you please give me a ring. I haven't heard from you for ages.
Ann.
Comment by katyzzz
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Oh yes, I can see that now.
You obviously feel strongly about these things and want to help people improve their communication skills, is that correct?
Yes, I see, it sounds like a very good idea,
Trouble is I do have trouble doing these things, I don't think anything really beats what comes straight from the heart, but I guess I can understand that you feel rather differently.
I could do with some of this around Orble, just too lazy and not particularly interested I guess.
Comment by The wonderful Peter Yang
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Comment by Miswanderlust
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I would love to hear from you too. It has been toooooo long since I have chatted you up!
Mis
Comment by Miswanderlust
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From the heart works for me too!
Mis
Comment by Miswanderlust
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Mis
Comment by Lilla
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I guess there is still a lot to be said for walking a mile in another's shoes, isn't there?
The problem is that once I have made all these wonderful adjustments, I'll most likely be stuck listening to an absolute bore for the rest of my days, to the point that my liver will start to ache!
Endlessly validating some poor tortured soul who hasn't got a clue (and can use me as an me as an excuse not to get one) enforces my belief that it is probably better we just say 'F'-off to start with, as usual *wink* than at least the poor thing will know where they stand.
Lilla ...
Comment by Miswanderlust
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The problem is that once I have made all these wonderful adjustments, I'll most likely be stuck listening to an absolute bore for the rest of my days, to the point that my liver will start to ache!
HAHAHAHA! You crack me up!
Mis