The Gratitude Project: Day 11: Second Chances
July 19th 2008 03:29
My sister and I have never got on. Our dysfunctional love-hate relationship began at birth. She’s family, she’s my baby sister - and I’ll stand behind her, I’ll fight her fights for her. I love her. But I don’t exactly like her. And the feeling is absolutely mutual.
Chalk and cheese doesn’t even begin to describe us. My bible thumping sister was prom queen and homecoming queen and voted most favorite by her class four years in a row. I was the school insurgent, a car racing, tattoo sporting, free spirit.
I viewed her for years as a bible thumping, proselytizing, judgmental, bitter, little sister who speaks to my parents in ways that I would never even contemplate. Her right wing stance against gays, liberals, feminists, social policies make me cringe, and her like minded friends are, without fail, intolerable.
She believed that I crawled home nightly from clubs at 6am, or danced on tables with my clan of close male friends and was a reputed ‘party girl’. In addition, she scanned the social columns to find what opening nights for clubs and bars I might have attended, and was convinced that I could drink most people under the table (only this was actually true).
In actuality, she dropped out of the lucrative corporate world to pursue the life of a stay at home wife and mother during the pinnacle of her career to serve her husband and her Lord. She was a ball breaker corporate hack who supervised an all men team of IT architects who designed missile systems for the US military. She spent her time in service of her family and her church.
In actuality I worked three jobs and raised a family and hung out with friends (with my son). I did not have time for a social life. I traded opening night soirées for nights filled with TMNT, Star Wars, and comic books. I made our house in the “hood’ comfortable and loving.
For years I have known that I needed a change. So recently, I told her I felt “lost” without her and that I wanted a “real relationship” but on terms on which we could both agree. When our parents pass, it would be just us. So in “my way” I proposed a “new plan” a “cease fire” if you will. She said that she would “think about it.”
You can imagine my surprise when my sister called me a couple of weeks later and mumbled, “So uh, I am in town what are you doing?” My sister, who never lets me know when she is in town wanted to know what I was doing!
I’ve spent most of today replaying our short conversation, over and over. I’m filled with a sense of loyalty and love, surprised that she would even notice that I’m lonely and at a constant ‘loose end’ without her.
I am grateful for second chances.
Chalk and cheese doesn’t even begin to describe us. My bible thumping sister was prom queen and homecoming queen and voted most favorite by her class four years in a row. I was the school insurgent, a car racing, tattoo sporting, free spirit.
I viewed her for years as a bible thumping, proselytizing, judgmental, bitter, little sister who speaks to my parents in ways that I would never even contemplate. Her right wing stance against gays, liberals, feminists, social policies make me cringe, and her like minded friends are, without fail, intolerable.
She believed that I crawled home nightly from clubs at 6am, or danced on tables with my clan of close male friends and was a reputed ‘party girl’. In addition, she scanned the social columns to find what opening nights for clubs and bars I might have attended, and was convinced that I could drink most people under the table (only this was actually true).
In actuality, she dropped out of the lucrative corporate world to pursue the life of a stay at home wife and mother during the pinnacle of her career to serve her husband and her Lord. She was a ball breaker corporate hack who supervised an all men team of IT architects who designed missile systems for the US military. She spent her time in service of her family and her church.
In actuality I worked three jobs and raised a family and hung out with friends (with my son). I did not have time for a social life. I traded opening night soirées for nights filled with TMNT, Star Wars, and comic books. I made our house in the “hood’ comfortable and loving.
For years I have known that I needed a change. So recently, I told her I felt “lost” without her and that I wanted a “real relationship” but on terms on which we could both agree. When our parents pass, it would be just us. So in “my way” I proposed a “new plan” a “cease fire” if you will. She said that she would “think about it.”
You can imagine my surprise when my sister called me a couple of weeks later and mumbled, “So uh, I am in town what are you doing?” My sister, who never lets me know when she is in town wanted to know what I was doing!
I’ve spent most of today replaying our short conversation, over and over. I’m filled with a sense of loyalty and love, surprised that she would even notice that I’m lonely and at a constant ‘loose end’ without her.
I am grateful for second chances.
| 54 |
| Vote |
Shared on
Subscribe to this blog
Comment by Urban Panther
Comment by Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
I read this post earlier and has really stuck in my mind. It`s good to hear that your sister is ready to meet you half way on this one - as you say
I haven`t seen nor spoken to my sister in 5 years after she ran away with her boyfriend. Now she has recently been in touch with some family members and I have always held back, still filled with rage over it. However, your post has really challenged this, for the first time actually.
I hope your meeting went well
Ash
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Thanks so much for sharing your story and for your supportive comment. I admire that you reached out to your sister and were able to mend fences before her death. I am so sorry for your loss.
MIs
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
this is quite an honor for me coming from you friend
I read this post earlier and has really stuck in my mind.
I am sorry to hear about your estrangement from your sister. I must say that our meeting was a mixed bag but I stay ever vigilant in the reminder that the two of us created this relationship (however dysfunctional) and it is up to the two of us to create something different......a.loving and caring relationship.
I wish you all the best!
Mis
Comment by Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
That`s quite something you have said there Mis, a major penny has just dropped. It definitely takes two to tango...
xxxxx
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Good luck friend! I am rooting for you!
Mis
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
I never had a biological sister, but have a few in spirit, even ones I don;t like... they came to my life as sis-ter-in-law's ... a wierd breed, I agree.
*chuckle*
Lilla ...
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
I must say that sister in laws can be such a blessing or pain in the neck!
Hope you are well. It is so good to see you.
Mis