Growing Up without a Father: The Fatherbook
May 12th 2008 13:41
I came across a very interesting article regarding ways to reach out to children and namely aolescents who were raised without father. The Father Book is a document designed to help fatherless youngsters begin a constructive resolution of what the absence of a father has meant in their lives. The Fatherbook is the resolution scrapbook used in treating children who have been traumatized.
The Fatherbook may incorporate elements from both the life book and the resolution scrapbook, depending on the circumstances of the father’s absence and the needs or wishes of each youngster. The format—e.g., album or loose-leaf binder—is chosen by the youngster. If little is known about the father, the Fatherbook can attempt to reconstruct his history. Whatever documents exist—birth certificates, photographs, marriage licenses, letters, obituary notices, diplomas, newspaper clippings—may be included. The adolescent may write to his absent father in the Fatherbook, even if the letters are never posted. These are some of the materials that may go into a Fatherbook. Each Fatherbook is a unique, made up of what the youngster believes is most important to him about his father.
“We know now, states (Popenoe) “from a careful examination of the evidence that today’s fatherlessness has led to a social turmoil—damaged children, unhappy children, aimless children, children who strike back with pathological behavior and violence”. For father-absent youth, some of what Popenoe (1996) describes as the “human carnage of fatherlessness” includes a far greater likelihood of dropping out of school, becoming teen parents, engaging in delinquent and violent behaviors, being out of both school and work, developing emotional problems, struggling with social relationships, and suffering depression as adults.
Fatherless adolescent boys are particularly vulnerable as they start the developmental work of identity formation, “a critical normative task of adolescence” (Josselson). Identity formation “arises from the selective repudiation and mutual assimilation of childhood identifications…” However, as father-absent boys begin this critical process, they lack the person who should be their most natural model for identification—their biological fathers. Biller (1993) reports that “paternal deprivation is often associated with personal insecurity and a poor self concept”
A defining characteristic of early adolescence is the young person’s beginning to look to peer influences in forming an identity. For the fathered boy, the intensity of peer influence is tempered by the father’s continued presence in his life. For the young male who is fatherless, the balancing presence is absent. “The paternally deprived child, whether from a ghetto or an affluent suburb, is especially vulnerable to peer pressure.” With the high and increasing number of single-mother homes, this means that the fatherless are leading the fatherless, with a result being behaviors that are frequently troubling and destructive.
It is reported that the strongest predictor of deviance, especially among young males, is living in a single-mother family. Draper and Harpending (1982) find boys without fathers more likely to exhibit the following characteristics:
-rejection of authority, particularly with it is imposed by adult females, exaggerated masculinity (often regarded by psychologists as “overcompensation” for insecure masculine sex-role identification)
-Rejection and denigration of femininity
-Greater interpersonal aggressiveness
-Increased risk of arrest and incarceration
-A relatively exploitative attitude toward females, with sexual contact appearing important as conquest and as a means of validating masculinity
.
The tendency toward undesirable behaviors is seen early in the lives of father-absent boys. Sametz (1984) reviewed court records for nearly 300 offenders aged 7, 8, and 9 living in a large Northeast city and its wealthy suburbs.. The results show that “the majority of offenders are male…and living with a single-parent mother'. In a study of 7 and 8 year-old Hispanic male youngsters, Boone (1979) reports that fatherless subjects were more prone to aggression than their fathered peers.
The aggression and tendency toward violence in father-absent boys may be an expression of what Whiting (1965) terms “protest masculinity”. Whiting defines “protest masculinity” in the father-deprived boy as “an over determined attempt to prove his masculinity, manifested by a preoccupation with physical strength and athletic proves, or attempts to demonstrate daring or valor, or behavior that is violent or aggressive”. Similarly, Biller points out that “males who are fathered-deprived in early life are likely to engage later in rigidly over=compensatory masculine behavior”. The bravado of this protest behavior can quickly lead boys into activities that are dangerous, and sometimes fatal, for themselves and for others (Anderson).
Despite its crippling effects, fatherlessness is increasing in America. Presently, “close to 40% of all children do not live with their biological parents, and percentage that is steadily climbing” (Popenoe, 1996). “Before they reach the age of 18,” Blankenhorn (1995) states, “more than half of our nation’s children are likely to spend at least a significant portion of their childhoods living apart from their fathers”. The epidemic of fatherlessness is most prevalent in our cities. A recent survey of nearly 200 urban neighborhoods found that 90% of all the families living there were without fathers (Popenoe, 1996).
The missing father is ipso facto often not a benign figure, i.e. because he is not there, he is bad. His negative image may be reinforced by the circumstances of his absence, e.g., his being incarcerated, his abuse of the youngster’s mother, his not supporting the family. The negative image of the father may be intensified by the mother’s anger at him. In these cases, the identification in the young adolescent male with his absent father still takes place because in his stage of development he had a strong need for identification with a male model. But the identification here is with the father’s negative aspects. On a conscious level the boy may idealize the father, granting him positive attributes he may or may not posses’ unconsciously he may take on some of the father’s “bad” characteristics.
Some adolescents idealize their fathers precisely because of their negative qualities, and consciously strive to be as destructive as possible. Identification is a powerful defense. It protects the youngster from experiencing the anger that would facilitate de-idealization of the father, and maintains a bond with him. It drives some of the deviant behaviors in which father-absent boys engage.
The importance of fathers to the lives of their children has been a charged issue. Greif and Bailey (1990) point out that the concern about sexism had put an emphasis on women’s perspectives and highlighted their strengths. The study of fathers has thus been less favored.
Asserting the importance of fathers in children’s lives in no way diminishes the valiant and often successful efforts of single mothers to raise their children. The assertion is rather a recognition that the responsibility of raising a child is of such enormous consequence that no parent should have to attempt it alone.
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Comment by Fobzy
Fobz
Lovely story, just for me. Well done.
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
I am glad this article resonanted with you. I appreciate that you took time out to visit, read, and comment. I hope to see you again soon!
Mis
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Cancer took Mrs NG's father before she could remember him, leaving three young children and a mum to do their best - which in essence is a different circumstance - however they were always constant reminders of their dad - to the point where today Mrs NG brother has even followed in the footsteps as far as his chosen profession is concerned.
Yes - it's a battle. Yes you need support and yes, kids need role models - a salient piece indeed.
LYW
MNG
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
So glad to see you! I am sorry to hear about Ms. NG's father. I know first hand how difficult it is to raise children alone. I have always fretted about it. Reading this was quite an eye opener for me too!
Mis
Comment by Cibbuano
20/20 Filmsight
Science News
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
This is highlighted in the movies that men like to watch: war and sports movies, which almost always feature father figures and fallen comrades.
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Just casting my mind over my experience with women who grew up without fathers at home.
On the plus side of growing up farterless, it leads us to foster our imaginative life.
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by Mike Crowl
Webitz
Work Report
The only thing about your article that I'd comment on is that it isn't necessarily the case that boys without fathers will have problems, or be problems. Many of us have got through this hole in our lives and survived. But I agree that it's one of the great plagues of the 20th-21st century for all that.
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Thank you so much for your kind words. Very high praise indeed.
The relationship between men and their fathers is one of the few things that men get emotional about, I think. This is highlighted in the movies that men like to watch: war and sports movies, which almost always feature father figures and fallen comrades.
This is so true. My son and I went to see the movie Speed Racer and sat next to a guy that cried during the touching father and son scenes.
So good to see you!
Mis
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
You are so right about girls who grow up fatherless
On the plus side of growing up farterless, it leads us to foster our imaginative life.
Oh I hope so!
Mis
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
I agree with you wholeheartedly about this:
The only thing about your article that I'd comment on is that it isn't necessarily the case that boys without fathers will have problems, or be problems
Thanks so much for sharing your insight. Thanks so much for visiting, readng, and commenting.
Mis
Comment by Priya shah
our BBC radio programme is having a special discussion asking: "Do children need fathers?" I saw this post and thought you might be itnerested int aking part. If you are, please email me.
Thanks
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Thanks so much for visiting, reading, and commenting. I would love to take part in the discussion, however I am not sure how to email you.
Mis
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
Worse to have an abusive, negative father than non at all I think... or one that is in the room, but never there ... Most young men who have no physical father fare better I think with a good male friend / role model, than those abused by their fathers, either physically, emotionally or both.
I think this aspect is highly underrated in the mis-development of young men.
Great read,
Lilla ...
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
There has been lots of research in the states that supports this
Worse to have an abusive, negative father than non at all I think... or one that is in the room, but never there ... Most young men who have no physical father fare better I think with a good male friend / role model, than those abused by their fathers, either physically, emotionally or both.
I am no sure if this is true overseas. Thanks so much for your kind comments. Always glad to see you.
Mis
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
My grandfather died when my father was 3. A lot of the characteristics you speak of I can see in him. But not in his other brother (there is a 3rd brother but he lives in Greece so I don't know him very well).
I often wished that my uncle was my father because quite frankly my father did a crap job. I have what Lilla described in her comment.
I didn't know there was a name for it until I was in my 20's but I guess you could lump it into both emotional and psychological abuse. We stopped getting hit by the time we each turned about 12-13.
I actually wonder whether my uncle turned out to be good because my dad wasn't a very good son either so my uncle was trying to be good to his mother....
Anyways....
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
My heart goes out to you. It seems to me as if you are creating a very different parental experience for your children. Even with crap parents we do learn what NOT TO DO!
Mis
Comment by Mike Crowl
Webitz
Work Report
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
So nice to meet your acquaintance. 34 years is quite an acoomplishment indeed. Thanks so much for visiting, reading, and commenting.
Mis
Comment by Mike Crowl
Webitz
Work Report
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Yeah you're right. There are people worse off than me. My dad was no good, there's not doubt there. And there's no doubt that there are worse parents out there than what I had.
I often think about how I would have turned out if my dad was different. More dysfunctional? Less dysfunctional?
All I know is that it is an effort to do some things. Things that I think should come naturally but don't.
Anyways.....
Thanks for your kind words Mis.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Thank you for sharing. I always wonder about what would have happened if things were different too. I am sure you just do the best you can with the life cards you were dealt.
Mis