Say Yes to Saying No
April 27th 2008 10:27
Do you think you are a bad person for saying no? Saying yes when you need to say no causes burnout. You do yourself and the person making the request a disservice by saying yes all of the time. When you say no, you'll be able to spend quality time on the things you've already said yes to. Yes isn't always the best answer. If you're overcommitted and under a lot of stress, you've got a much better chance of becoming sick, tired or just plain old crabby, which doesn't benefit you or anyone else.
1. Begin with the word “No.”
When you begin with “No”, you give a clear message. It is honest and not confusing. If someone becomes angry at your refusal, that is their problem, not yours. You are entitled to your feelings and you can say “No” whenever you want.
2. Don’t give excuses! You do not have to have a reason to say “No.” Practice full disclosure. Don't fabricate reasons to get out of an obligation. The truth is always the best way to turn down a friend, family member or co-worker.
3. Use I-Messages. This helps your message to be firm and direct.
4. Offer alternatives when you want to.
5. Ask for time to think when you need it. Extra time may help you to clarify your true feelings about the situation. Anyone who truly cares about you will respect this request.
6. Be sure your body language matches your words. Otherwise, you may give mixed signals to the speaker, causing ineffective communication.
•It is your right to refuse and not feel guilty.
•Refusal is not rejection.
•You can love someone and still not do everything they ask of you.
•Saying “No” can preserve relationships by keeping you from feeling
resentful. If we agree to something we really do not want to do.
1. Begin with the word “No.”
When you begin with “No”, you give a clear message. It is honest and not confusing. If someone becomes angry at your refusal, that is their problem, not yours. You are entitled to your feelings and you can say “No” whenever you want.
2. Don’t give excuses! You do not have to have a reason to say “No.” Practice full disclosure. Don't fabricate reasons to get out of an obligation. The truth is always the best way to turn down a friend, family member or co-worker.
3. Use I-Messages. This helps your message to be firm and direct.
4. Offer alternatives when you want to.
5. Ask for time to think when you need it. Extra time may help you to clarify your true feelings about the situation. Anyone who truly cares about you will respect this request.
6. Be sure your body language matches your words. Otherwise, you may give mixed signals to the speaker, causing ineffective communication.
•It is your right to refuse and not feel guilty.
•Refusal is not rejection.
•You can love someone and still not do everything they ask of you.
•Saying “No” can preserve relationships by keeping you from feeling
resentful. If we agree to something we really do not want to do.
| 57 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
Don’t give excuses! You do not have to have a reason to say “No.” Practice full disclosure. Don't fabricate reasons to get out of an obligation. The truth is always the best way to turn down a friend, family member or co-worker.
Tracy
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
That is hard for me too!
Mis
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
More sage advice... I read that book "When I say No, I feel guilty" about 100 years ago and highly recommend it to those who may have trouble using this word. Using this word, cured me of many bad habits.
I particularly think No: 5 is under utilised by people who think they must give answers, straight away, especially in relationships. The truth is, we don't ...
Lilla ...
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
I adore that book. I thought I was the only other person on the face of the earth that had read it. I am also I card carrying member of the "just say no" club!
Mis
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
I also need to remember number 5:
Ask for time to think when you need it. Extra time may help you to clarify your true feelings about the situation. Anyone who truly cares about you will respect this request.
I just found that book on Ebay, thanks for the idea.
Tracy
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
There are times when I just can't verbalize what I need to say. Asking for more time helps me collect my thoughts!
Cheers!
Mis
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
Tracy
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
I truly hope that you know me well enough by now to fully understand the joke that is my next comment...(?) but,
'...I blame TV.'
We've watched people spit out those carefully rehearsed (and pre-edited) lines like they are totally natural and think we should always be able to do the same. I can't and need time sometimes to think it through, like you say Mis ... once I got the hang of that, No became easy and things became easier, because I had stopped making rods for my back.
It's the people who try to engage me in arguments for their own sake that are really dangerous ... they lurk everywhere, even in orblehalls *chuckle* they twist and manipulate words - especially NO - and try to engage you in endless hours of energy depleting (non-progressive, non-proactive) debate ...*yawn* moving on now...
Lilla ...
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Right on sister!
It is always so lovely to see you!
Mis