Let's Talk about Sex
August 19th 2007 17:10
We live in a culture that is saturated with sexual images, yet it is pitifully devoid of real sexual education for young people, which translates into a poor foundation for adult relationships. Uninformed teens grow into adults who may spend years, even decades, basing relationships on the minimal or incorrect information they accumulated as youngsters. Today's emphasis on abstinence-only education leaves many couples without basic knowledge about how their bodies work or what to expect in an intimate relationship.
Ten “truths” of Sex Therapy
Truth #1 Sex therapists are different from surrogates
Sex therapists are generally certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. AASECT's standards for education, training, and supervision are rigorous, and knowing that someone is AASECT certified is the only way to be certain that they have the qualifications you need in a sex therapist. Many general therapists call themselves sex therapists because they talk to clients about sexual matters, but the only gold standard for training and certification among sexuality professionals is AASECT.
Sex Surrogates provides sexual pleasure and completes “hands on” training to couples
Truth #2 You can't "work out" a sexual problem with an unwilling partner.
Don’t even try.
Truth #3 Healthy Relationships are Touching Relationships
The absence of touching, kissing, and general physical affection — not to mention the void in romantic energy between couples — offers unreliable template for intimacy. Many couples come in to get serious about rekindling the romantic and affectionate side of their relationships.
Truth #4 Clients need to learn how to “rev” the engine
Many people think that sexual desire is supposed to hit like a bolt of lightening from the blue; that an individual should merely look across the room at his or her partner and feel overcome with sexual urgency. If this doesn't happen, one might imagine that there is something wrong with her or with her relationship. The reality is quite different. Many people — especially women in long-term relationships — feel desire only after they have experienced sexual pleasure and arousal. So, a long, lovely kissing session, or the right kind of caresses, or the mental stimulation of an erotic movie or conversation, could initiate the arousal that leads to a desire for more. However, building up arousal to the point where you are ready for intercourse — physically and emotionally — can be a slow process. Many individuals simmer "on low" for a long time before their heat begins to rise. Along the way, any disruption can turn the flame down and leave him or her cold. A partner who rushes, the experience of pain, even a major mental distraction can snuff out the fire. Anybody who has had only a few poor sexual experiences may conclude he or she is just not very sexual, when, in fact, it is pretty healthy not to feel sexual under circumstances that are uninspiring, counter-erotic or unpleasant!
Truth #5: There are ebbs and flows within every sexual relationship.
Complaints of ebbing sexual desire in marriages, whether by the female or male partner, are the most common reason that people visit sex therapists. Sex therapists give “helpful hints” “how tos” etc…..
Truth #6: Women are the number #1 referral source for sex therapists
Women want to orgasm and they want their partners to “help. Only about a third of women have orgasms during intercourse. The vast majority of women have them through separate oral or manual stimulation of the clitoris. Even women who do climax during intercourse often require simultaneous clitoral stimulation. However, if you're an "orgasm virgin" the cooperative choreography required to master that can be tricky.
Women are skeptical however with “homework” Learning to orgasm is much easier as a do-it-yourself project. Sex therapists generally will tell them that once they become adept at self-pleasuring, they can share their newfound successes with their partner. Women generally speaking are uptight in that way.
Truth #7: Folks need training about how the libido works
Sex therapists have to “train” clients to understand that libido is not a commodity that exists in isolation, separate from psyche, body and spirit. So, rather than talk about libido the way we'd talk about blood pressure, we talk about the desire one feels, or doesn't feel.
Truth #8: Folks need to figure out what is blocking their sexual relationship
So many clients have parent issues, religion issues, and abuse issues that get in the way of their intimate relationships.
Truth #9: There are plenty of sexual dysfunction out there to be treated but don't jump to the conclusion that just because you are not in the "mood' it is psychological issue...there might be a medical reason for the lack of libido.
Truth #10: There are plenty of folks who just need some jumpstart their dating and “meeting” people skills. Sitting around looking at porn all day does not give you the skills to intereact with others. Learning about the plumbing only gets you so far!
Ten “truths” of Sex Therapy
Truth #1 Sex therapists are different from surrogates
Sex therapists are generally certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. AASECT's standards for education, training, and supervision are rigorous, and knowing that someone is AASECT certified is the only way to be certain that they have the qualifications you need in a sex therapist. Many general therapists call themselves sex therapists because they talk to clients about sexual matters, but the only gold standard for training and certification among sexuality professionals is AASECT.
Sex Surrogates provides sexual pleasure and completes “hands on” training to couples
Truth #2 You can't "work out" a sexual problem with an unwilling partner.
Don’t even try.
Truth #3 Healthy Relationships are Touching Relationships
The absence of touching, kissing, and general physical affection — not to mention the void in romantic energy between couples — offers unreliable template for intimacy. Many couples come in to get serious about rekindling the romantic and affectionate side of their relationships.
Truth #4 Clients need to learn how to “rev” the engine
Many people think that sexual desire is supposed to hit like a bolt of lightening from the blue; that an individual should merely look across the room at his or her partner and feel overcome with sexual urgency. If this doesn't happen, one might imagine that there is something wrong with her or with her relationship. The reality is quite different. Many people — especially women in long-term relationships — feel desire only after they have experienced sexual pleasure and arousal. So, a long, lovely kissing session, or the right kind of caresses, or the mental stimulation of an erotic movie or conversation, could initiate the arousal that leads to a desire for more. However, building up arousal to the point where you are ready for intercourse — physically and emotionally — can be a slow process. Many individuals simmer "on low" for a long time before their heat begins to rise. Along the way, any disruption can turn the flame down and leave him or her cold. A partner who rushes, the experience of pain, even a major mental distraction can snuff out the fire. Anybody who has had only a few poor sexual experiences may conclude he or she is just not very sexual, when, in fact, it is pretty healthy not to feel sexual under circumstances that are uninspiring, counter-erotic or unpleasant!
Truth #5: There are ebbs and flows within every sexual relationship.
Complaints of ebbing sexual desire in marriages, whether by the female or male partner, are the most common reason that people visit sex therapists. Sex therapists give “helpful hints” “how tos” etc…..
Truth #6: Women are the number #1 referral source for sex therapists
Women want to orgasm and they want their partners to “help. Only about a third of women have orgasms during intercourse. The vast majority of women have them through separate oral or manual stimulation of the clitoris. Even women who do climax during intercourse often require simultaneous clitoral stimulation. However, if you're an "orgasm virgin" the cooperative choreography required to master that can be tricky.
Women are skeptical however with “homework” Learning to orgasm is much easier as a do-it-yourself project. Sex therapists generally will tell them that once they become adept at self-pleasuring, they can share their newfound successes with their partner. Women generally speaking are uptight in that way.
Truth #7: Folks need training about how the libido works
Sex therapists have to “train” clients to understand that libido is not a commodity that exists in isolation, separate from psyche, body and spirit. So, rather than talk about libido the way we'd talk about blood pressure, we talk about the desire one feels, or doesn't feel.
Truth #8: Folks need to figure out what is blocking their sexual relationship
So many clients have parent issues, religion issues, and abuse issues that get in the way of their intimate relationships.
Truth #9: There are plenty of sexual dysfunction out there to be treated but don't jump to the conclusion that just because you are not in the "mood' it is psychological issue...there might be a medical reason for the lack of libido.
Truth #10: There are plenty of folks who just need some jumpstart their dating and “meeting” people skills. Sitting around looking at porn all day does not give you the skills to intereact with others. Learning about the plumbing only gets you so far!
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Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
Health Focus
Poetry Lighthouse
MS Paint Art
I thought such ignorance had died years ago.
How on earth are there so many of us when Adam and Eve didn't have a manual, just a snake and an apple and an apple tree.
And where did their clothes come from?
Oh, yes, the fig tree.
Glad it's your job, not mine, Mis.
katyzzz
Comment by David
1. Training and practice is rigorous. Most participants are “certified.” It is a complete “hands-on” experience of indescribable pleasure. Not for couples.
2. You can’t work this one out with a partner. Don’t even try. Let them watch at best.
3. Touching is the essence of this type of relationship, but do not touch others. Sure reach out to them in a new-age energy-transference way, but under no circumstances touch them physically. They will only get attached to you. And then what? You won’t be ringing a sex counsellor. You’ll be ringing a 1800 Anti-Stalk Number.
4. Read Rev-Head Magazines about Car/Bike Racing and Monster Bashes. All professional Petrol-Heads will give you the same advice. Always warm up the engine. Leave it idling for a while before putting your pedal to the metal or the hand-grip on full-throttle. Even Car-Salesmen will say, ‘Running the engine in is important.’
5. Even the best-designed car needs a regular service and tune-up. Take it to a garage. Don’t try and fix it at home. Car-Mechanics for Dummies # 18 is not going to solve your carby problems.
6. By eliminating women from your one-on-one relationship with yourself, you can stick to your simple pre-80s engine, rather than mess with the design-process by introducing complicated electronic attachments.
7. Don’t get sucked in to talking about how having a co-driver or navigator will make you realise your full potential as a solo driver. Talk about obscure matters like how your engine oil reaches boiling point if there is any interference in your technique, and throw in the odd cliché like, ‘One too many cooks spoils the oil.”
8. Check your carby spray emissions regularly. If there seems to be a blockage. Change your diet. Don’t ask your parents. Go to a professional nutritionist.
9. If your performance standards start to wane, it’s not necessarily a mood thing. You’re probably watching the wrong TV channel. Switch to one with more tit, or subscribe to Foxtel’s porn channel.
10, Never attach one end of the jumper-leads to your penis and the other end to the cable coming out of the back of your stove. Use butter or margarine if you’re struggling. Preferably low salt content. Don’t overdo research on fatty foods. They’ll do your head in!
Comment by Cibbuano
20/20 Filmsight
Science News
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
I read an interesting article that said that young teens were growing up with a distorted view of sexuality and it would lead them to massive sexual dysfunction. The culprit: ease of access to internet pornography, where sex is the forceful barrage of thrusting, big penises and big, fake breasts.
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Comment by Ahmed
techy.Bytes
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Qwerk
Cinema Three
Maybe in the US, not so much here in Australia
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
When Im down, Im so down. Dont even say sex. When Im up, (like now!) Im completely untrustworthy....Jump anyone. My arousal is a complete mystery to me....Thanks so much, Catholic upbringing, making me feel sinful for just thinking about it......
Comment by Chic Critique
I would have hoped after the baby boomers tried so hard to break down a lot of the barriers associated with sex education that the problem would nearly have gone away now. Unfortunately there's always going to be people who have a hard time talking about it. Thanks to my parents who were open-minded and honest, I consider very few topics taboo.
Great post Mis.
Cheers
CC
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Thanks for the kind words.
I thought such ignorance had died years ago.
I wish!
Glad it's your job, not mine
I do enjoy me job!
Mis
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Bwhahahahaha!
I am circulating your comments to some of my therapist friends! (Your smart assy comments are very popular btw)
Mis
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
surrogates? Is that a real therapy, approved by the association?
Hell to the no.... I just receive calls regarding this matter. Many folks do not know the difference between the two. Surrogates are not approved by any association. Licensed therapists adhere by strict ethical guidelines which prohibits sexual contact of any kind.
The article that you read makes an interesting point .... many young adults that I see are very disappointed with the "real thing"
Always good to see you
Mis
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Surrogates?? So it's *legit*? Like a threesome but the surrogate is *certified*?
Surrogates are "certified" but not licensed. Licensed therapists adhere by strict ethical guidelines which prohibits sexual contact of any kind.
I hope that clears it up.
Thanks so much for stopping by and hanging with me!
Mis
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Thanks for visiting, reading, and commenting. I am glad that Australia is more progressive....
Mis
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Sex is certainly a touchly subject for many folks. Sexuality is definitely a complex issue. Humans are so affected sexually by hormones, endorphins, past experiences, etc..... This post is a first of several discussing sex. I hope that they are helpful. Thanks so much for hanging out with me!
Mis
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Thank you so much for the kind words. As one of those folks who is trying to break down the barriers associated with sex education, I am always surprised by the barriers thrown my way. I hope that this venue will open up some conversation regarding this tricky topic. You are very fortunate to have been blessed with open minded parents. Thanks for hanging out with me.
Mis
Comment by Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
That`s just weird! I can see a few people have picked on that... but lemme just reiterate .... that`s just weird!
sex talk in our house was always taboo when I was growing up and I learnt about the birds and the bees from a friends mother. Thankfully I'm not really a sheep so wasn`t affected by all that nonsense... in fact I love the reactions to being vocal about it. I just feel really sorry for those people out there who, like you say, rely on TV and porn to create their ideas of what sex should be like.
It is ridiculous in this day and age for people to be considering talk on anything taboo really. As the song says... "Let`s talk about sex baby....'
you are doing a great job at getting all this info out Mis.
Ash
PS ain`t that sign the truth! You must REALLY love your job to disagree with that.
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Hey friend!
Sex Surrogates provides sexual pleasure and completes “hands on” training to couples. That's just weird!
I agree!
It is ridiculous in this day and age for people to be considering talk on anything taboo really. As the song says... "Let`s talk about sex baby....'
I am constantly amazed at how people skirt around the issue of sex. It's just SEX people....it an't brain surgery. Sex is just such a complex issue.
Thanks so much for your kind words!
Mis
I really love my job btw but I can't looooove my job
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
I have to say...having a relationship with one person is hard enough without adding other folks into the mix!
Mis
Thanks so much for stopping by always food to see you.