Goals of Misbehavior in Children
March 17th 2008 03:43
MISBEHAVIOR: Actions & words that disregard or disrespect the rights or safety of others, or that are self-defeating or even dangerous to oneself. Here are some quick possible ideas to consider when dealing with a misbehaving child
1.Attention: Desire to be noticed
Child: “I’m only important when you are busy with me”.
Parent: Feels frustrated, annoyed
Response: Never give attention on demand not even for useful behavior. Ignore unwanted behavior when it is not expected. Catch child being “good” & give attention to positive behavior.
2.Power: Wants things their way.
Child: Feels powerless, so having power makes them feel valuable.
Parent: Feels angry, provoked, challenged, and ready to fight
Response: Disengage from the struggle; let child experience consequences of misbehavior. Encourage decision making (making choices that are acceptable) & express confidence in them; enlist their help, opinions, & suggestions to win their cooperation.
3.Revenge: If seeking revenge, they are convinced they are not lovable
Child: Feels hurt—is expressing it to you
Parent: Feels deeply hurt, angry or feels desire to get even. Punishment provides fresh reason to seek further revenge.
Response: Child wants you to know he/she hurt your feelings. Consciously avoid feeling hurt. Instead of seeking revenge, parents can work on building a relationship with trust. Respond with patience &* kindness. Do something to bring you closer.
4.Display of Inadequacy: The most discouraged of all
Child: Feels helpless, hopeless, afraid to try, “I can’t”.
Parent: Feels frustration, despair and may want to give up, but giving up increases hopelessness.
Response: Stop criticizing & respond with encouragement of any positive effort made. Child needs to know they can succeed & belong & that they don’t have to be perfect. Break task down into easy pieces and let child see through own actions that he/she can.
1.Attention: Desire to be noticed
Child: “I’m only important when you are busy with me”.
Response: Never give attention on demand not even for useful behavior. Ignore unwanted behavior when it is not expected. Catch child being “good” & give attention to positive behavior.
2.Power: Wants things their way.
Child: Feels powerless, so having power makes them feel valuable.
Parent: Feels angry, provoked, challenged, and ready to fight
Response: Disengage from the struggle; let child experience consequences of misbehavior. Encourage decision making (making choices that are acceptable) & express confidence in them; enlist their help, opinions, & suggestions to win their cooperation.
3.Revenge: If seeking revenge, they are convinced they are not lovable
Child: Feels hurt—is expressing it to you
Parent: Feels deeply hurt, angry or feels desire to get even. Punishment provides fresh reason to seek further revenge.
Response: Child wants you to know he/she hurt your feelings. Consciously avoid feeling hurt. Instead of seeking revenge, parents can work on building a relationship with trust. Respond with patience &* kindness. Do something to bring you closer.
4.Display of Inadequacy: The most discouraged of all
Child: Feels helpless, hopeless, afraid to try, “I can’t”.
Parent: Feels frustration, despair and may want to give up, but giving up increases hopelessness.
Response: Stop criticizing & respond with encouragement of any positive effort made. Child needs to know they can succeed & belong & that they don’t have to be perfect. Break task down into easy pieces and let child see through own actions that he/she can.
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Comment by The wonderful Peter Yang
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Stay healthy and loose weight
I don't think i'll be ready for that anytime soon.
Cheers
Comment by katyzzz
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It takes all types to make a world and these seem rather extreme cases.
There's generally a lot of love in a family, and this tends to more than compensate for difficulties, and I saw nothing in the post that pays attention to "age appropriate behaviour and handling, a lot of children are just not capable of thinking like this.
But being a parent and having quite a degree of difficulty with my son, I know where you are coming from, but I think it is enough to scare some people away.
It doesn't pay to be too tough, either on the child, or on the parent.
I'm sure you intended all of these things but it is a little too concise for the message to come across clearly to other than the converted.
But I agree, in essence, with all the points you make.
Comment by Miswanderlust
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It's not so bad.... So glad to see you!
Mis
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
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It doesn't pay to be too tough, either on the child, or on the parent.
kids are like a piece of wet soap...hold on too tight and it pops right out of your hand!
Thanks Katyzzz for your comments.
Mis
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Great post.
My youngest is 2 1/2....a very trying age.
My middle is about to turn 5.... he is finding his younger brother very trying.
I know I've got to get it right so hopefully it will get easier later.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Miswanderlust
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Thanks for the kind words! So glad you found the post helpful!
Mis