Conversationally Speaking: Recognition of Self
January 7th 2008 04:14
We begin our conversations with others, having predetermined the relationship, projecting onto them what we know to be true. "I know" is an immediate disconnection from others. Not knowing, being curious and open is a state of being that is both humble and alive with possibility.
This brings to mind a more personal issue of developing a loving, mutually reciprocal relationship. The capacity to listen, to hear the other, to pay attention to the other. The process of paying real attention to the other involves having the experience with/of the other perceived as outside the self, as well as an experience with/of our subjective conceptualization or impression of the other.
But beyond attention, we have both a need for recognition by the other, as well as wishes to be able to recognize the other in return, to experience a cherished other and have a co-constructed personal involvement that is distinctively characterized by a sense of nourishing, mutual recognition. However there is an inevitable tension between connection and separation, the self’s wish for absolute independence conflicts with the self’s need for recognition. In trying to establish itself as an independent entity, the self must yet recognize the other as a subject like itself in order to be recognized by it. This immediately compromises the self’s absoluteness and poses the problem that the other could be equally absolute and independent.
Each self wants to be recognized and yet to maintain its absolute identity: The self says, “I want to affect you, but I want nothing you do or say to affect me, I am who I am.” In its encounter with the other, the self wishes to affirm its absolute independence, even though its need for the other and the other’s similar wish give the lie to it.
This confrontation with the other’s subjectivity and the limits of one’s self-assertion is a difficult one to mediate. The need for recognition leads to a fundamental paradox; in the very moment of realizing our own independent will, we are dependent on another to recognize it. At the very moment we come to understanding the meaning of I, myself, we are forced to see the limitations of that self. At the moment when we understand that separate minds can share similar feelings, we begin to find out that these minds can also disagree.
The ideal resolution of the paradox of recognition is for it to continue as a constant tension between recognizing the other and asserting the self. It is for this purpose that carrying on a co-constructed, mutually reciprocal loving relationship with another necessarily entails ongoing practice in the sustaining of contradiction. The latter is an ability that is enhanced to the degree that we are willing to appreciate, preferably embrace, the uncertainty that is inherent to our involvement in everyday life, to the choices that we make and to what might possibly emerge from those choices.
Thanks jo for the pic!
This brings to mind a more personal issue of developing a loving, mutually reciprocal relationship. The capacity to listen, to hear the other, to pay attention to the other. The process of paying real attention to the other involves having the experience with/of the other perceived as outside the self, as well as an experience with/of our subjective conceptualization or impression of the other.
But beyond attention, we have both a need for recognition by the other, as well as wishes to be able to recognize the other in return, to experience a cherished other and have a co-constructed personal involvement that is distinctively characterized by a sense of nourishing, mutual recognition. However there is an inevitable tension between connection and separation, the self’s wish for absolute independence conflicts with the self’s need for recognition. In trying to establish itself as an independent entity, the self must yet recognize the other as a subject like itself in order to be recognized by it. This immediately compromises the self’s absoluteness and poses the problem that the other could be equally absolute and independent.
Each self wants to be recognized and yet to maintain its absolute identity: The self says, “I want to affect you, but I want nothing you do or say to affect me, I am who I am.” In its encounter with the other, the self wishes to affirm its absolute independence, even though its need for the other and the other’s similar wish give the lie to it.
This confrontation with the other’s subjectivity and the limits of one’s self-assertion is a difficult one to mediate. The need for recognition leads to a fundamental paradox; in the very moment of realizing our own independent will, we are dependent on another to recognize it. At the very moment we come to understanding the meaning of I, myself, we are forced to see the limitations of that self. At the moment when we understand that separate minds can share similar feelings, we begin to find out that these minds can also disagree.
The ideal resolution of the paradox of recognition is for it to continue as a constant tension between recognizing the other and asserting the self. It is for this purpose that carrying on a co-constructed, mutually reciprocal loving relationship with another necessarily entails ongoing practice in the sustaining of contradiction. The latter is an ability that is enhanced to the degree that we are willing to appreciate, preferably embrace, the uncertainty that is inherent to our involvement in everyday life, to the choices that we make and to what might possibly emerge from those choices.
Thanks jo for the pic!
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Comment by Mal
Mal
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
katyzzz little pearls.
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
HAHAHAHA
Reminds me of a song
Blue Oyster Cult
Mis
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
You are so right sister but some foks talk to their mirror instead of looking into the glass.... HAHAHA
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
katyzzz
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
But in the end I get a bit lost. I suppose the natural tension must be maintained instinctively with my closest friends and particularly with Kman....Hes such a fairytale how perfect he is, how well we communicate every second, whether speaking or not....Have you ever been with someone who seemed to make your cells resonate with their scent?
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Have you ever been with someone who seemed to make your cells resonate with their scent?
Yes ma'am I have. Quite intoxicating....
Mis
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis