Nondemand Pleasuring
August 29th 2007 01:54
The focus of this 45 minute exercise (preferably, a series of exercises) is to enhance communication and pleasure, while reducing performance orientation. There is a prohibition on orgasm and intercourse. This facilitates increased awareness and helps you focus on feelings, touch, sensations, and sensuality.
Ideally, both partners feel comfortable initiating and each feels free to say no and to suggest an alternative way to experience physical connection. Begin by taking a shower or bath together; this sets a comfortable milieu. Showering or bathing is a sensuous activity. When showering experiment with different types of spray or temperature. When bathing, try a new bath oil or bubble bath to increase awareness of sensual stimuli. Soap your partner's back. Trace the contours and muscles; rub and gently massage. This is not a rigorous back-rub, but a sensual exploration. Ask your partner to face you; look into his/her eyes. Eye contact facilitates closeness and trust. Soap your partner's neck and chest. Move downward to the stomach – soap and touch in a gentle, exploratory manner. Wash his genitals as you would any body part. The focus is not stimulation and arousal, but exploration and pleasure. Touch and soap his/er hips and legs. Switch roles – be open to your partner's touching and washing you. Be aware of what feels particularly sensual.
Dry each other. Take your time, be tender, stand still, and take a good look at each other. Notice two or three physical attributes you find particularly attractive.
Proceed to the bedroom, feeling natural being nude. If you are not comfortable walking through the house nude, put on a robe or towel, but take it off when you reach the bedroom. Pleasuring is best done in the nude. In subsequent pleasuring experiences, experiment with sensual clothing or being semidressed. Keep the room at a comfortable temperature, with a moderate amount of light. If one spouse prefers to darken the room, that is fine, but be sure you can see the partner’s body. Put on your favorite music, burn a candle with a pleasant fragrance, or both. Experiment with mood enhancers during subsequent experiences – for example, some couples find that favorite music facilitates sensuality, others find that multicolored candles enhance the milieu, and others use a lamp with a blue or red light.
Start with the giver-receiver format, and let one partner take the first turn as pleasure giver. Be sure that each partner has an opportunity to be giver and recipient. In subsequent experiences, experiment with mutual pleasuring. A sexually satisfying relationship involves both partners being comfortable receiving and giving pleasure. Interestingly, men find it harder to receive than to give.
The recipient has three tasks. The first is to be passive and receive pleasure. The second is to keep the eyes closed focusing on feelings and sensations (this reduces the giver’s self-consciousness). The third is to be aware of what parts of his body and what types of touch are sensual and pleasurable.
The giver will want to look at his/her body in an open, exploratory manner. The giver is free to play, giving a variety of touch and body stimulation. Rather than try to second-guess his/her partner, the giver stimulates himself/herself. The giver engages in stimulation that he/she enjoys giving. This is as an opportunity for to enjoy touching, tand not be distracted by past frustrations or disappointments. The giver will want to savor the simple pleasures of giving and receiving touch while not trying to turn on his/her partner. The following are guidelines, not hard and fast rules. Both partners should feel free to be creative and innovative.
Have the receiver turn over on his/her back, keeping the eyes closed and getting as comfortable as possible. The giver will want to take notice of signs of relaxation and be aware of the difference between this and the tension observed during prior sexual experiences. Gently massage the receiver's forehead. Outline favorite facial features with the fingertips. Tenderly kiss the closed eyes, then move to the receiver's face, ears, and neck.
The giver then massages the receiver's nipples. Nipples are very sensitive, therefore when exploring the chest, use smooth, tender strokes, covering the sides as well. Lightly stroke the receiver's stomach by stroking sideways around his stomach and upper pelvic region.
The giver will explore the genitals as she would other parts of his body. For both the man and woman, awareness that sexuality is more than genitals, intercourse, and orgasm is crucial. The giver proceeds at her own pace and comfort level.
Ideally, both partners feel comfortable initiating and each feels free to say no and to suggest an alternative way to experience physical connection. Begin by taking a shower or bath together; this sets a comfortable milieu. Showering or bathing is a sensuous activity. When showering experiment with different types of spray or temperature. When bathing, try a new bath oil or bubble bath to increase awareness of sensual stimuli. Soap your partner's back. Trace the contours and muscles; rub and gently massage. This is not a rigorous back-rub, but a sensual exploration. Ask your partner to face you; look into his/her eyes. Eye contact facilitates closeness and trust. Soap your partner's neck and chest. Move downward to the stomach – soap and touch in a gentle, exploratory manner. Wash his genitals as you would any body part. The focus is not stimulation and arousal, but exploration and pleasure. Touch and soap his/er hips and legs. Switch roles – be open to your partner's touching and washing you. Be aware of what feels particularly sensual.
Dry each other. Take your time, be tender, stand still, and take a good look at each other. Notice two or three physical attributes you find particularly attractive.
Proceed to the bedroom, feeling natural being nude. If you are not comfortable walking through the house nude, put on a robe or towel, but take it off when you reach the bedroom. Pleasuring is best done in the nude. In subsequent pleasuring experiences, experiment with sensual clothing or being semidressed. Keep the room at a comfortable temperature, with a moderate amount of light. If one spouse prefers to darken the room, that is fine, but be sure you can see the partner’s body. Put on your favorite music, burn a candle with a pleasant fragrance, or both. Experiment with mood enhancers during subsequent experiences – for example, some couples find that favorite music facilitates sensuality, others find that multicolored candles enhance the milieu, and others use a lamp with a blue or red light.
Start with the giver-receiver format, and let one partner take the first turn as pleasure giver. Be sure that each partner has an opportunity to be giver and recipient. In subsequent experiences, experiment with mutual pleasuring. A sexually satisfying relationship involves both partners being comfortable receiving and giving pleasure. Interestingly, men find it harder to receive than to give.
The recipient has three tasks. The first is to be passive and receive pleasure. The second is to keep the eyes closed focusing on feelings and sensations (this reduces the giver’s self-consciousness). The third is to be aware of what parts of his body and what types of touch are sensual and pleasurable.
The giver will want to look at his/her body in an open, exploratory manner. The giver is free to play, giving a variety of touch and body stimulation. Rather than try to second-guess his/her partner, the giver stimulates himself/herself. The giver engages in stimulation that he/she enjoys giving. This is as an opportunity for to enjoy touching, tand not be distracted by past frustrations or disappointments. The giver will want to savor the simple pleasures of giving and receiving touch while not trying to turn on his/her partner. The following are guidelines, not hard and fast rules. Both partners should feel free to be creative and innovative.
Have the receiver turn over on his/her back, keeping the eyes closed and getting as comfortable as possible. The giver will want to take notice of signs of relaxation and be aware of the difference between this and the tension observed during prior sexual experiences. Gently massage the receiver's forehead. Outline favorite facial features with the fingertips. Tenderly kiss the closed eyes, then move to the receiver's face, ears, and neck.
The giver then massages the receiver's nipples. Nipples are very sensitive, therefore when exploring the chest, use smooth, tender strokes, covering the sides as well. Lightly stroke the receiver's stomach by stroking sideways around his stomach and upper pelvic region.
The giver will explore the genitals as she would other parts of his body. For both the man and woman, awareness that sexuality is more than genitals, intercourse, and orgasm is crucial. The giver proceeds at her own pace and comfort level.
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Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
These sound like awesome exercises to try. If only my mother did not live with us! I dont see how you could be dissatisfied after all this touching!
Comment by Ash
Flashes of memories
phwoarggghhh I need a cold shower after that read! This certainly sounds like a recipe for success. There seems to be so much lost in the journey... it`s all about the end of the race... and then the rolling over and going to sleep. Yawn.
Great post, will definitely be keeping this in mind.
Ash
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
You are so right about the importance of the journey.
I made the comment about orgasm for the mere fact that many women overlook theirs or the need for one. I am definitely "Pro Orgasm." Since only 30% of women are able to orgasm,,, I have made a pretty good living helping the other 70% realize their "potential."
Mis
Multiple orgasms? Nice!
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
I hope this exercise "comes' in handy at some point ;0)
As for rolling over and going to sleep..... keep your man "up" and go again!
Mis
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
I THOUGHT I knew what an orgasam was oboy....I was completely comfortable giving myself one, or using a man for one.....And then I meet love master Kman. He just keeps on surprising me! I THOUGHT I knew what a multiple was as well, then a few weeks ago I learned another level!
Its like whenever he gets me to that level where it cant get any better, hes got to outdo himself. We were both players when we met, both totally consumed by being THE BEST in bed and knowing ALL there is to know about the anatomy of the opposite sex.....
Now we've been together 7 years, we've got love and trust and intimacy we never ever had with anyone else, and the trend of improving our skills never died....He takes me right out of my body sometimes!
And its paid back in kind.....I taught him the magic of the blow job....Hated them before me! Now I pay for it dont I?
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
I agree with you... So many women don't know what an orgasm is or feels like or how to get one. It is definitely helps job security. I am so glad to hear that there are women out there enjoying their sex lives! He takes me right out of my body sometimes! You lucky woman!
Mis
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
So most girls just need to be 'pointed' in the right direction.....Ive known where the clitoris was since I was about 4 years old!
And I admit Im a very lucky woman.....Hes sensitive and caring yet a real man....EQUIPPED like an equine....And desperate for his woman to have as many orgasams as she can handle.
He leaves socks and washing all over the house and never listens and cant find a rubbish bin to save his life.....But thats ok. I have a loud voice.
If he didnt steal my socks he'd be the perfect man!
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
After the couple has retired for the night, the woman becomes aware that her husband is touching her in a most unusual manner. He starts by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He runs his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeds to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.
He continues on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand runs further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then starts up the inside of her left thigh, stops and then returns to do the same to her right thigh.
By this time the woman is usually becoming aroused and squirming a little to better position herself. This is when the man usually stops abruptly and rolls over to his side of the bed. " Why are you stopping darling?" she whispers hoarsely.
He whispers back, " I found the remote!"
Lilla ...
Comment by Ash
Flashes of memories
Mis - I`d report back to you... but I think on this occasion I`ll just leave it at... you did good girl. you did good!
K - propose... propose NOW!
have a ... um... HOT weekend ladies
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Hold onto that man! [wink] You are so right about women and masturbation. Women seem to need "pointing". Not sure about Australian culture but here in the states...men and masturbation is as American as Apple pie! Thanks for your interesting comments. Very enjoyable!
Mis
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
bwhahahahahah!
You crack me up girl!
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
I hope we all have "hot" weekends!