Misery Makers and Turnaround Mentality
October 27th 2007 04:41
Misery Maker #1: Do you believe others cause your feelings? Do others “make” you feel guilty about things?
Turnaround Mentality: You create your own feelings and make your own decisions. People and events do not cause feelings, but they can trigger your mental habits. You may wish to empower yourself with more information about relationships and communication skills.
Misery Maker #2: Are you so conscientious in your self-improvement efforts that you never miss a chance to remind yourself what you should or should not do? “I should have studied more.” “I shouldn’t have eaten so much.”
Turnaround Mentality: “Shoulds” don’t get the job done. They’re just a way of punishing yourself after the fact. Guilt and shame don’t produce much action; mostly, they drain your energy and discourage you. More information about realistically achieving peak performance may help you.
Misery Maker #3: Are you a relentless critic, always finding fault with the way you look and feel or the way others act toward you. Do you nag yourself and others, especially those you care about?
Turnaround Mentality: Replace criticism with encouragement. Encourage yourself and your friends rather than criticizing them. Give a compliment or a pat on the back. Visualize the positive and achieve what you want. Read more about improving self-esteem.
Misery Maker #4: Do you believe that you must do everything perfectly or not at all? Do you sacrifice fun in your life to achieve every goal?
Turnaround Mentality: Perfection is a high goal to aim for; don’t insist on starting there or even arriving there. Do your best and then accept it. You can enhance your life performance and have fun, too. Seek out help to deal with your perfectionist tendencies.
Misery Maker #5: Do you assume you are to blame whenever someone is upset? DOP you often ask yourself, “What did I do wrong?” If your roommate or significant other is in a bad mood, do you feel responsible for it?
Turnaround Mentality: The person who is upset “owns” the problem. Stop apologizing and accepting blame. Everyone has the right to have angry feelings, but you don’t have to feel guilty. Recognize that impersonal conflicts can be healthy, leading to constructive change and deeper understanding. Strive for emotional wellness with you and your relationships.
Misery Maker #6: Do you “steal responsibility” for others? Do you feel responsible for the happiness of another person? Do you take on other people’s responsibilities, then get angry when they don’t appreciate all you’ve done for them?
Turnaround Mentality: Stealing responsibility for others only cheats them out of a growing experience. Learning to deal with the consequences of one’s behavior is part of being an adult. Seek greater self-responsibility and self-determination. Make some lists to clarify your own needs and wants. Remember, the world has many shoulders to carry it.
Excerpts from the work of David Burns, MD
Turnaround Mentality: You create your own feelings and make your own decisions. People and events do not cause feelings, but they can trigger your mental habits. You may wish to empower yourself with more information about relationships and communication skills.
Misery Maker #2: Are you so conscientious in your self-improvement efforts that you never miss a chance to remind yourself what you should or should not do? “I should have studied more.” “I shouldn’t have eaten so much.”
Turnaround Mentality: “Shoulds” don’t get the job done. They’re just a way of punishing yourself after the fact. Guilt and shame don’t produce much action; mostly, they drain your energy and discourage you. More information about realistically achieving peak performance may help you.
Misery Maker #3: Are you a relentless critic, always finding fault with the way you look and feel or the way others act toward you. Do you nag yourself and others, especially those you care about?
Turnaround Mentality: Replace criticism with encouragement. Encourage yourself and your friends rather than criticizing them. Give a compliment or a pat on the back. Visualize the positive and achieve what you want. Read more about improving self-esteem.
Misery Maker #4: Do you believe that you must do everything perfectly or not at all? Do you sacrifice fun in your life to achieve every goal?
Turnaround Mentality: Perfection is a high goal to aim for; don’t insist on starting there or even arriving there. Do your best and then accept it. You can enhance your life performance and have fun, too. Seek out help to deal with your perfectionist tendencies.
Misery Maker #5: Do you assume you are to blame whenever someone is upset? DOP you often ask yourself, “What did I do wrong?” If your roommate or significant other is in a bad mood, do you feel responsible for it?
Turnaround Mentality: The person who is upset “owns” the problem. Stop apologizing and accepting blame. Everyone has the right to have angry feelings, but you don’t have to feel guilty. Recognize that impersonal conflicts can be healthy, leading to constructive change and deeper understanding. Strive for emotional wellness with you and your relationships.
Misery Maker #6: Do you “steal responsibility” for others? Do you feel responsible for the happiness of another person? Do you take on other people’s responsibilities, then get angry when they don’t appreciate all you’ve done for them?
Turnaround Mentality: Stealing responsibility for others only cheats them out of a growing experience. Learning to deal with the consequences of one’s behavior is part of being an adult. Seek greater self-responsibility and self-determination. Make some lists to clarify your own needs and wants. Remember, the world has many shoulders to carry it.
Excerpts from the work of David Burns, MD
| 67 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
This is so timely for me, I was actually reading a book on emotions and mindfulness this morning as I've been struggling a bit with some things such as guilt and perfectionism. I printed this out for some extra help and info.
Thank-you,
Tracy
Comment by Miswanderlust
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
I am so glad that you found it helpful! Being mindful is definitely a full time job.
Mis
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
Tracy